Liberating Yourself from Limiting Beliefs: 5 Steps to Healing

Release Yourself From the Feeling of Unworthiness

I recently finished one of the best books I read called "The Myth of Normal" by the renowned physician, Gabor Maté.

It had a profound impact on my perspective of Western culture, medicine, trauma, illness, and healing.

In the final chapter, Gabor presents a series of steps that can liberate us from our traumas and, most importantly, from the pervasive yet far-from-normal belief in our unworthiness. This belief of “not being good enough” is a demon that accompanies many of us, me being no exception.

I strongly believe that these steps are invaluable for anyone on a healing journey, and this newsletter is my way of making them arrive to you.

Rephrasing a beautiful passage from Gabor’s book:

“We should not underestimate how entrenched and insidious this conviction of unworthiness is, or how difficult it is to dislodge with words. We were almost literally hypnotized into it. In a neural framework, as the biologist Bruce Lipton explains, it’s a matter of brainwaves. Delta waves, the brain’s lowest frequency, predominate in our first two years, then theta waves ramp up until we are about six. “A child under seven is predominantly in theta”, he told me. “Theta is a hypnotic state, and it’s how you absorb all this stuff for seven years. Just as under the spell of a hypnotist, you believe whatever message you get”. Only afterward does the state of conscious awareness and logical thinking associated with alpha and beta waves activity come on line. “We download our perceptions and beliefs about life years before we acquire the capacity for critical thinking,” Dr. Lipton writes. “Those perceptions or misconceptions become truths.” From such truths, we will henceforth generate our concepts about ourselves in the world. More precisely, from such untruths.”

Let’s now go over each one of the five steps. I added an extra step that I believe will make this exercise way more practical for starting a change in your fundamental belief system.

Choose one belief you want to get rid of; one that’s been pushing you away from the person you want to be. Now, let’s start:

Step 1: Relabel

The initial step is all about acknowledging that the self-limiting belief is just that—a belief. It is not an inherent truth or an accurate representation of who you are. It is a thought that has become so ingrained in your mind that it has merged with your perception of reality. By distancing yourself from this belief, you detach your identity from it.

In this step, the goal isn’t to negate the belief or try to replace it, but rather “divesting from the certainty that the implicit belief is true” to rephrase Gabor’s words. In doing so, you create a gap between your sense of self and the belief, recognizing that it does not define you. Now, you can perceive the belief as an external entity, a thought that exists apart from your core being.

Step 2: Reattibrute

If the first step is about detaching yourself from the belief, the second is about identifying its source.

You might look back and identify plenty of reasons that were responsible for the implementation of this thought in your mind and how it got sustained during your life. Sometime in your childhood years, you lacked the necessary conditions for your emotional development and that’s the reason why this belief exists. Recognize that it’s about the conditions, not about you.

Although it may be challenging to pinpoint specific situations that made you adopt this belief, understand that it’s not about you, it wasn’t born with you but rather a message imposed upon you.

The goal of this step is to release yourself from the burden of guilt and shame. By recognizing that the belief was influenced by external factors beyond your control, you free yourself from carrying the weight of those emotions. This allows you to approach your healing journey with a greater sense of compassion, both for yourself and for the circumstances that contributed to the development of the belief.

Step 3: Refocus

The third step involves redirecting your focus when you notice the limiting belief taking hold of your mind. Sometimes, you may only become aware of its influence after it has already gained control. But don’t worry, don’t try to be perfect, see this as a skill that needs to be practiced.

After so many years living with this belief, you know it very well: how it manifests in your thoughts, the sensations it triggers in your body, and how it makes you feel. Armed with this knowledge, you can start to identify the early signs of the belief's manifestation and intervene using these 5 steps.

The goal of this step is to consciously choose a different focus whenever you notice the negative self-belief attempting to take control. When you become aware of its presence, take 15 minutes for yourself and, after doing the previous steps, engage in an activity you enjoy. Opt for something healthy and creative. The aim is to fill this time with joy and self-care, providing yourself with a sense of adequacy, worthiness, and self-compassion - the opposite of how this belief makes you feel.

Step 4: Revalue

Up until now, this self-rejecting belief has been overshadowing your authenticity, impeding you from living your best life. You might rationalize that you want to feel differently, but the self-limiting belief ends up winning most of the time. This step is about making a research on the consequences and benefits of the belief.

Draw a sheet with two columns on a piece of paper: the left column is about the disadvantages of this belief and the right column, its benefits:

Left Column: What has this belief done for me? Your answer might go around: It made me and still makes me feel guilty and lonely, it has impeded me from doing things I love, from living the present moment, from saying what I think, from creating genuine relationships without thinking about how shitty I am, from self-sabotaging all in my life, all the habits I try to implement and skills I try to learn. It has stolen my time from my family in an attempt to fulfill this unsatisfying belief with work. It has made me suffer from stress and anxiety and overusing medication to mask my feelings.

Be detailed about the unworthiness story of this belief. What was the last time this belief entered into play? How did you react? Did you react with spontaneity or you suppressed your authenticity?

Right Column: What has this belief offered you? Has it kept you safe and protected? Has it avoided rejection or criticism? Did it allow you to get promoted in your job? Did it allow you the work colleague to like you?

In doing this exercise you’re evaluating the effect of such belief in your life. Normally, the consequences column is bigger than the benefits one, but it’s important to understand that there are always benefits, and it’s because of them that you continue to use this belief. Deep down, it has been serving you somehow. The question is: Are the benefits worth it if you have to hide who you are?

Step 5: Re-Create

The final step is recreation. This step is about bringing back your authentic self. Reminding yourself of your truest values, goals, and priorities in life. So far, you left that belief to rule your life. This happens automatically but it goes against some of your deepest values. You don’t want to sell your life values to a belief that no longer fits those.

In this step, write down what life you want. Your values, goals, and intentions. Also your strengths and weaknesses, but be cautious, don’t let the belief cloud your judgment of what you think your weaknesses are. Be the most genuine and honest with yourself here. Write down also the changes you want to make in your behavior, and relationships.

Extra Step: Action

Now, let's add an extra step to the process - one that I personally chose. Take a moment to outline an action you want to take in order to initiate your transformation and overcome this limiting belief. Be specific and detailed in how you intend to handle the situation.

You might practice these five steps internally, but choosing a real-life situation adds another dimension of power. By taking action, you manifest your desire for change in the world, and you prove to yourself that you are capable of change.

This action will serve as the first tangible behavior that aligns with your decision to let go of this belief. Then, you just gotta repeat.

With love,

Sara

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